Love at First Sight.

I lay no claims to be a relationship, love or sex expert, I am just sharing my experiences and what I have observed in my young marriage.

I did not believe in love at first sight until I experienced it on the 21st of May. I remember this tall muscular bearded chocolate looking guy walking towards me. I blushed, but I was bent on keeping my composure and not showing my interest too early. Two days later we had an unconventional date, we met in the park to run. The conversation was great and deep, from that moment I knew he was the one.

We met couple of times at the same location, each time we met I was excited, yet I had butterflies in my stomach. Being very nervous and yet elated to meet someone made me feel like a teenager all over again. I remember telling my sister in a text conversation 3 days later that I had found my husband and I was sure he was the one. I guess you think it sounds crazy to make such a pronouncement on the 3rd day of meeting someone, but I was quite sure about my intuitions. His style of conversation was deep, we weren’t talking about trivial things but aspirations, character traits, our opinions about sensitive matters, current affairs, family, business, culture and most importantly the essence of a strong nuclear family in elevating the black community etc. Amidst these deep conversations he’d stare in my eyes seductively on few occasions, throwing me off trajectory.

I remember prior to meeting him I would fast and pray telling God I was ready to settle down and start a family. I told God the qualities I wanted in my future husband, and I was most particular about how much I wanted a man who believed and feared God. I wanted someone who would accept and love me with all my flaws, and most importantly a man who’d give me peace of mind. I also prayed for someone who would genuinely love my daughter and raise her as his. I prayed for a man who’d challenge me to be the best version of myself and not try to change me to suit his personal expectations.

My prayer was vividly and expeditiously answered when this awesome human came into my life. When I think of our marriage it amazes me, and it gives meaning to true love being a beautiful thing. Thinking of the fact that I finally opened up completely to a stranger without holding back in expectation of new possibilities is mind blowing.

Don’t get it twisted, it’s not always sweet and rosy but being with the right person coupled with the effort and determination of wanting to make it work cannot be defeated by anything. One of the biggest lessons’ marriage has taught me is to think before I speak irrespective of how furious I may be at that moment. One can say sorry after using harsh words during misunderstandings, but these words can never be erased from your spouse’s memories.

We try as much to keep the desire burning for each other, it was just recently during the covid-19 I realized we could spend months around each other and still not get tired of seeing each other. We are very touchy people, slapping each our behinds, he’s constantly giving me bear hugs from behind and kissing my neck randomly all day. We’ve been married for two and half years, yet we still can’t resist each other.

We try our best to have a vibrant outdoor life. We like to do fine dining in an upscale restaurant that requires dressing up once a month, besides that we hang out at a casual restaurant for dinner and drinks on 3 of the 4 Friday nights in the month. Sometimes we substitute the casual Friday dinner night to see a movie. We do all this in the quest to maintain our spark, also our date nights helps us focus on ourselves and have naughty conversations preparing us for the night.

We sometimes disagree on issues and get mad at each other, but we don’t allow our egos to get the best of us, we don’t stay angry at each other past 24hours. We bring clarity to the root cause of the misunderstanding and resolve it.

Great sex keeps the fire burning in a marriage/relationship, for us its mostly random sex and passionate love making. Intimacy is a different type of love for me, it makes me feel at peace and protected. Our intimate times are special moments for us, we don’t restrict ourselves to the bedroom, it happens in the closet, shower etc. We have an amazing sex life, just as we also connect on a spiritual level. We’re both Christians, we pray and fast together. I must admit my faith has grown tremendously since I got married. I am very appreciative of his patience and love that helps me to grow each day and become a better version of myself, he tells me he has also grown in several ways as a result of this marriage and his patience has grown immensely.

We decided to build our marriage on three key values, commitment, respect and sacrifice.

Commitment; for example, out of the 7 billion people in the world there are several other people who possess whatever physical or innate qualities we find attracted to in our partners, but we’re dedicated to staying true to ourselves. In the sense that we cannot be attracted to another person who possess a quality we like.

Sacrifice; there is no successful relationship without some form of sacrifice. On several occasions both partners should be ready to give up something to make the other happy and comfortable. Now, the problem arises when it becomes one sided, both parties should always be eager to sacrifice at any given time.

Respect; respect in marriage should not be confused with being uptight. Being uptight defeats the purpose of friendship in marriage. Respecting your spouse is extremely important as it sets some boundaries to words and action you cannot use on each other irrespective of how playful both of you want to be. There are no preset boundaries, you and your spouse can agree on lines that must not be crossed. Remember happy marriages are respectful marriages. Men innately want to be respected; a levelheaded man will automatically respect a woman who gives him respect. Keep note, not all men are levelheaded. Yes, I said it.

I end on the note of saying marriage/relationship is a constant work, and to gain the best results you must nurture it constantly to make it better in order to stand the test of time. Until next time XOXO.